I like that the site hasn't changed much in all these years.
I've been reading Xavier de Maistre's A Journey Round My Room, which I recommend for anyone struggling with restrictions or lockdown. It will make you smile. There is a certain tenderness that I admire that I can sense from the author. More and more I want tenderness and more and more I appreciate people that show kindness and patience in everything they do.
I lost part of my humanity, or gained something that wasn't originally mine. Bitterness. My childhood was a good training for that but I can say exactly which episode was the one that swifted me for the worst. And interestingly it wasn't at home. Year after year I bit the bitterness that accompanies everything in this life. I bit it and I chewed it and I made it mine. I didn't fight it much because I didn't know it was happening. Fast forward to my late 20's and the bitterness poisoned me completely.
Realizing what was happening and beginning to try to fix it will hurt enough to want to give up. And so when I see people who hasn't let bitterness touch them, especially if they've known sorrow, I appreciate it. I learn from them. I'm glad they exist. I want to be around them.
It's almost absurd to be writing for no one but boy does this absurdity feels natural. I am writing again.
I want to live when I don't want to die. Funny statement, huh? I'm working to get rid of this poison so I can feel alive someday soon. I just need to ignore mirrors, keep busy and focus on the kind people of this world.
Will we get to see the beginning of the next civilization?